Suburban Turmoil - Latest Comments in Judge Not

Re: Judge Not

Lexi — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 11:26:55 -0000

Okay, so I already weighed in, but another comment reminded me of a story:

My mom left us in the car while she ran into the cleaners (this was the 80s, she was parked right in front, blah blah blah), and told us specifically not to honk the horn. Well, you can guess what we did, right?

When she came back out to the car, an old lady on the sidewalk huffed (I may be paraphrasing here): "Well, I never! My children would never behave that way!"

My mom, without missing a beat, said: "Well, covered wagons didn't have horns, did they?"

Re: Judge Not

Lexi — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 11:23:26 -0000

I especially love when old men get grumpy when children make noise at McDonald's. If you want to drink coffee and read your paper in peace, go to Starbucks. Well...some days.

Re: Judge Not

Lexi — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 11:21:38 -0000

Ah, heck. Ya gotta love the icy glares. I usually ignore the haters.

My (autistic) son was sitting in the cart in Walmart squeaking a bike horn over and over and OVER, and I got glares galore. The little person that lives in my brain wanted to say, "hey, let's take it away and see what happens!" It sucks being a grown-up, sometimes.

Re: Judge Not

ewe_are_here — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 03:00:54 -0000

I wasn't there, so I won't judge.

But I will say that my own mother told me once that *we* (as in my sister and I), never misbehaved in restaurants when we were young because *we knew better*. She of course made this statement when my then only 2 year old was starting to act up in a cafe. I called her right out on her silly claim, telling her I remember being hauled out and/or sent to sit in the car *plenty* of times for misbehaving in restaurants. With my sister. She shut up.

Re: Judge Not

Shelly — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:30:23 -0000

Wow. I can't BELIEVE the comment battle going on here. I think I might put a little twist to all this. I am not a mother, but I have waitressed in a family restaurant. And that's what it is, a FAMILY restaurant, where CHILDREN can eat with their parents. Come on people!! I have friends and family members with small children and I totally understand having days where they are "that mother" since children have days where they just will not cooperate!

I waitressed in an environment knowing there was a chance of children running, spilling things and being loud. Its part of the job. To throw negative comments for possibly endangering others or the child is a fair argument but it seems she had quite a bit of control and supervision over the situation. I realize this isn't a very strong argument, but holy doodles people!

Re: Judge Not

evolve_now_please — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 11:08:53 -0000

This comment killed it for me. Seriously. Instead of being inconvienienced yourself by having to get your meal to go you decided to inconvenience the wait staff and the other patrons.

As a former waitress myself I know for a fact that everything Amy said is true. Admit it or not, you did endanger your son by allowing him to run all over the restraunt. I bet you also That Mom that would have sued if God forbid he had gotten cut or burned due to your own negligence.

Oh and...the wait staff wasn't ruffling his hair because he was cute. They were doing it in hopes you would get a grip and remember that you are the parent.

Re: Judge Not

Melinda — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:23:49 -0000

Well my Grandmother always said,
"Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and everyone thinks theirs doesn't stink"

Re: Judge Not

Julie — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:49:03 -0000

My response to people who give me "the look" is always to look up at them, smile and say...
"You know how it is, I mean when you have kids and all, huh?! And, if you don't (or are choosing not to remember), then THIS IS HOW IT IS SOMETIMES!!"
People who judge another parent, for any reason, without knowing what in the hell else could be going on in someone's life, are the ones with the problem! Leave the judging up to God. No parent is perfect except HIM. Sometimes, it's all I can do to make it through Target, with my two children in tow, just to get one item...I certainly feel for anyone else who I see in there with a child going nuts!

Re: Judge Not

Margie — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:34:33 -0000

Once, when my 3 were younger, they were being serious brats in the line at McD's because they were starving and tired (my fault) and the line was longer than I expected.. I turned to my husband, winked, and loudly declared, "We are NEVER bebysitting these kids again!" Hee-hee... for a while after that, I would order through the drive through, then bring the food in and eat ( I gotta have my free Diet Coke refills!) A tactic I highly recommend! Does the fact that I take my kids there in the first place make me one of THOSE moms? Probably- oh well- I can live with that!

Re: Judge Not

joan — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:03:50 -0000

I liked the point made about kids proving us wrong. sometimes we take them to a restaurant (or church or swim class or whatever) and they are complete angels. but then a simple trip to mcdonalds turns into meltdown city. that's the whole tricky part. people think we KNOW our kids are going to act up, so why take them to a restaurant in the first place. but they don't always. and when they are good, we start thinking, hey, he can handle this. we can have a nice family meal together in public and it's going to be OK. and then it isn't. it's so frustrating. it's like two steps forward, one step back. people without kids, or whose kids are grown and they've forgotten how tough it is can be brutal in their judgment.

Re: Judge Not

Cindy M. — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:28:34 -0000

Good grief. So many things come to mind. Such as, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Some days I am a GREAT mom. And some days I suck. EVERY day I love my kids to pieces.

My reaction? I kinda chuckled. Because we all have days like this with our kids. Whether we admit them or not. And it's ALWAYS funny when it's not MY kid.

I once read a very funny book by Lori Borgman: "I Was A Better Mother Before I Had Kids." Amazon has it. Hilarious. Because I was THAT mom. I just knew that I wasn't going to make all those silly mistakes other mothers make. All it took was a little good discipline to have perfectly behaved children, right? Those words have been very tasty. And I have GREAT kids. But they're not perfect, and neither am I...a very important lesson in itself.

More than anything, Lindsay, I appreciate your candor.

Re: Judge Not

Cee Kay — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:08:03 -0000

LOL! LOVED this response.

Lindsay, I read your blog on and off (I blog at http://my2centstoo.blogspot...) Couldn't stop myself from commenting when I saw Lindsay-bashing going on here :P In the 10+ years as a parent I have realized that you can never say "I would never....".My older one was the perfect, angelic child maybe because I had all the time and energy to devote to her. The little one, who just turned two, has a VERY different parent in me. Different, not better or worse. I am more chilled out now. I overlook tantrums. I do try to minimize them whenever I can but sometimes ignoring her is the best way. I know I am rambling but I just wanted to say - I am THAT mom too :) Never thought I would be, but here I am!

Re: Judge Not

Kate M — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 23:09:22 -0000

Make that: You made your call. Ooops.

Re: Judge Not

Missi — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 22:18:23 -0000

Um.. I'm thinking with the title being "Judge Not" she was just hoping people wouldn't judge.

I don't think she doesn't want to welcome "views from all sides" otherwise she would delete the negative comments. She left them up. I don't think it's written defensively at all. It was- "Here's what happened and I didn't think I'd ever do it before, but I did. Hasn't that happened to you before too?"

At least, that's the way I read it.

Re: Judge Not

Rebecca — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 20:50:01 -0000

This whole issue of parents judging parents, especially based on isolated and superficial encounters,gets my hackles up.
As I have said before...I don't see the point in judging other parents. You cannot control how a parent at church, the Y or store or restaurant is dealing with their child. To me it just seems like gossipy, competitive insecurity. You can manage your own child, control their evironment and encourage friendships that bringout the best inyour child. I am far to busy with my four children to wage a countercultural movement against parents who don't do it like you would or your mama would,or like they did it in the 50's..thank you very much John Rosemond . After 11years of this,about the only thing I remain judgemental about is competitive,judgemental parents.

Re: Judge Not

Ginny — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:57:00 -0000

You know, I had NO IDEA there were so many perfect moms out there! I'm here to tell you, the "I would never let my kids do that" or "I can't believe she did that" kind of comments are just the ones that come back to kick you in the butt.

My reaction to seeing someone else's kid throw a fit, have a meltdown, or climb the walls in a restaurant? My very first thought is almost always, "Whew! Glad I'm not her--today!" Because, I know I'm going to be her way sooner than I'd prefer. No matter whether you choose to let your kid zoom around risking certain death from coffee spills or wander around outside while your fellow diners eat in peace...there are just some days that you can't win. I just don't see any point whatsoever in judging---yes, folks, that's exactly what all the "dissenters" are doing--Lindsay for doing "the best I could". If you think that you're helping her be a better mom by voicing all the dangers, etc., you're wasting your typing. She, just like you, will do the best she can, and it won't always necessarily seem like the best decision.

Never fear, Lindsay...next time you let Bruiser run, send him by my table, I truly won't mind and will play peekaboo long enough for you to at least have a cup of coffee!

Re: Judge Not

suburbanturmoil — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:46:21 -0000

What can I tell you? I was That Mom. Sometimes I can rival anyone when it comes to parenting. Sometimes I can't. This was not my best moment.

Re: Judge Not

anon — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:22:53 -0000

I would have gathered up my screaming, annoying-to-the-other-diners kid and left.
You should have done exactly that.
I have 2 questions:
1) Why didn't you feed him ahead of time?
2) Why didn't you leave when he started the bad behavior?
Because now he 'gets' that he can scream and thereby get out of his seat and run around at public eating establishments and annoy other families, who are then essentially babysitting YOUR child while YOU get to 'grab a few bites'.
Sorry, not going along with you on this one.

Re: Judge Not

Crazy Cat Lady — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:52:31 -0000

Well, I guess I may as well contribute my two cents, too.

First of all, I am a perfect parent. This said because I don't have kids; I have cats. (This was in reference to someone saying the only perfect parent is one that doesn't have kids. I tried to find the post but couldn't.) :)

Second, I don't particularly like kids. My mom says it's because my first nephew came along when I was six. My sisters provided me with seven nephews and nieces in seven years. I couldn't stand them. Now, however, I'm 35 and actually liking the next round of great-nephews and nieces. (I now have five more.) I can play with them and enjoy how cute they can be. Why am I telling you this? Two reasons: because I have seen a wide variety of parenting skills and the results, so of course I know how to do it best :) and because even with my low tolerance of children, I don't have a problem with screaming babies and toddlers in restaurants (school-age kids are another matter). Well, except for the ones that are so shrill they can shatter glass. Holy cow, how do some kids manage to make my ears bleed? Anyway, being around my sisters and all those kids at least made me appreciate that you can't really reason with some small kids. Those of you who are jumping on Lindsay because she didn't "have a talk" with Bruiser, saying that's what you'd do with your own kids: maybe it's a developmental thing? Two is kind of an iffy age; some can be reasoned with but others not so much. Give the woman a break. Besides your two-year-old that you reasoned with may have been close to three, while Bruiser just turned two. That's a HUGE difference in development. (Wow, what am I, a pediatrician? But it's true.)

Also, I just want to point out that when I see a little one getting bored and unruly, I try to "flirt" with him/her. Smiling, winking, waving, etc. can go a long way in quieting a kid.

Oh, one more thing: my mother can honestly say that her kids never misbehaved in social situations, such as restaurants. How can she make this claim? Easy...she never took us anywhere! I'm not kidding. We got our fast food to go, then Dad pulled over on the side of the road, and that's where we ate. As a result, I was horribly uncomfortable with dining out when I hit high school age. I don't recommend the dining by the side of the road route. :)

Okay, now that I have bestowed my wisdom on you all (lol), I think I'm done. BTW Lindsay, you're a rockin' mom, even if you have become That Mom. :)

Re: Judge Not

One more opinion... — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:37:02 -0000

I am, as of now, childless, but enjoy kids/babies/toddlers immensly, and read quite a few "Mommy Blogs". I typically sympathize with parents when their toddler is having a meltdown in a public place (smile and give the "I-understand-I'm-glad-it's-not-me-I-don't-think-your-kid-is-a-jerk-and-he's-probably-really-cute-when-he's-not-having-a-meltdown" look), and in turn, I'm usually fairly patient...as long as it seems like they are making an effort towards rectifying the situation. If the parent is simply ignoring a melt-down, or not making a move to chase down their toddler who is running amuck through the restaurant? That's when I get annoyed & worried about the unsuspecting wait staff buzzing around with trays & drinks.

I've never been a waitress, but I am on their side & disagreeing with you (which is rare)...I, myself, have gotten burned from hot plates or cups and/or hot food or drinks, so I can only imagine if a waitress or patron or, God forbid, a toddler running free was in the line of those hot dishes that are being quickly carried out to their recipient.

If I'm in a family friendly place and a child or children are being loud, I'm not really going to have a huge problem with it, especially if there's loud music on top of their screams, and/or other patrons (adults & children alike) raising the volume, as well. My problem usually rests with the unattended kids running around a restaurant or other venue that is really not suited to that type of activity, regardless of the reason or excuse.

Honestly though, to echo a few other commenters, I think every parent has, at some point, experienced what you did on Sunday. The problem here is how you presented it..."don't judge me, and don't think I'd tolerate this behavior from anyone else's child under normal circumstances--I just feel that I was awarded a free pass for this one because of x, y, and z". I appreciate anyone much more when they can just admit their wrongs & move along without a string of excuses.

Re: Judge Not

Me! — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:49:44 -0000

Thank You Jenny, that is great. I too enjoy lindsay's writings. I feel like i've missed something.. Did i reply to a comment of yours? Did i call you out particularly? I read your comment and felt like it comment was also rather besides the point, as was most of the comments on here. She never asked you to Tell Her What She Should Have Done. She has stated several times, very clearly, that she agrees and that she would normally not allow her son to run wild & that this was a case by case in the moment choice. As you said, this post was about judgement or criticism from other mom's... what was your comment then? I believe lindsay was writing about how we (including her) should stop judging one another because we all have those days. Maybe i'm wrong. Thought it's hard to be a discussion when fingers are being pointed...
I think you & I & everyone could agree that Lindsay is very gutsy to put such things out there and allow us to comment. So props to her. Everyone is trying to do their best, so as she has said, none of us have room to judge.

Re: Judge Not

Margie — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:25:15 -0000

Heavens to Mergatroid people!!!! I think people are seriously missing the ever lovin' point of this post. It wasn't to ask, "what SHOULD Lindsay have done?" or, "do you think she did the right thing?", or, "What are your thoughts on restauraunt safety?". It was to point out that even the best of us moms, like Lindsay, sometimes find ourselves making parenting decisions under certain circumstances that we never expected we would. THAT is the point... really, I would get annoyed too to have my point so clearly lost on so many who are more interested in lecturing and yes, judging... when you are making an assessment of the correctness of Linday's actions without having even been there.. then it most certainly IS a judgement regardless of whatever anecdotal evidence you have to support your "opinion".

On the topic of restauraunt safety BTW, every situation is different regardless of whether or not you have seen someone get hurt, doesn't make it inherently dangerous... if it was that big of a problem... surely there would have been an Oprah show about it by now... but agin, this really isn't the point of the post... is it?

Re: Judge Not

rebecca2112 — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:24:29 -0000

No, not really. I'm perfectly confident with my parenting choices (abilities) Lisa. I just think it's better to not judge other people or parents because Karma will get you every time. You don't have to agree with me or like what I'm saying to you either, I don't really care. But I can bet when your kids act out and embarrass you (trust me honey they will) you will remember our little tit for tat! :)

Oh yeah, I think calling Lindsay a lazy parent was a little petty and judgmental (just saying).

Re: Judge Not

Kate M — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:15:17 -0000

I haven't read all of the comments yet, but I'm finding your reactions to some of the comments really over-the-top defensive and argumentative. Most of the commenters who said that you made a bad call in this situation did so very kindly. They were also focused on the potential dangers Bruiser faced out of his seat in a restaurant, not on the inconvenience he may have caused servers or other patrons by being both noisy and roaming. Letting a small child roam around a typical restaurant is dangerous. You don't have to be there and see the situation to know that (unless maybe it was a raw foods restaurant where servers carry nothing heavy or hot). What was THE BEST solution? That does depend on the situation, but it's hard to believe there wasn't a safer one. You made a bad call. You claim to own it. Own it, and take the comments for what you think they're worth.

Re: Judge Not

Jenny — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:53:45 -0000

Me, of course we wouldn't accost Lindsay and offer her alternatives in the restaurant. Most of us (dissenters) sound like reasonable people. In fact, I'm crazy about Lindsay's writing and I come here to read probably 5 days out of the week. Your comment is beside the point. The original post was ABOUT judgement or criticism by other moms. And for the most part, those who disagree with Lindsay's choice aren't even responding to her post -- I responded primarily to those commenters who supported her choice. It's a *discussion*.