Suburban Turmoil - Latest Comments in The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

McKenzie — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 14:31:18 -0000

Ok, I'm SO glad that I'm not the only mother of a 2 year old who allows her son warm milk in a baba. I was never able to nurse my son (medical reasons, blah) beyond 3 months old, and while the transition was difficult for the both of us, he soon began to look at our baba time much in the same glazed-over way he did when it was time to nurse. Today, at 2 1/2, he drinks water out of a big boy cup, but loves his warm milk before bed. While rocking with me. And? I let him sleep with a pacifier at night because he likes it. Do I think he'll grow up with an oral fixation or with serious mental issues because of either of these things? Nope. Does it allow for him (and Hubs and I) to get more sleep? YES! He's loved, he's incredibly intelligent, polite, witty, and so on. I'll let him watch a show or two during the day, but not too much because that's ALL he'd ever want to do. Living in Buffalo, we try to take advantage of the sunny days when we can get them! I'll follow suit with my 1 year old, too. She'll let me know when she's ready to get rid of the "baby" stuff.

Like you, I try hard not to worry about what "they" say is conventional and worry about what's best for my kids. They'll grow up knowing that I had more in mind than what the magazines and pediatricians are telling me what I should do, and instead had the courtesy to allow them as babies to stay babies for a little while longer. They know now and will likely (hopefully?) always know that they are loved more than anything.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Shannon — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 10:46:26 -0000

Do you think if we ignore Amy (prettybabies.blogspot.com) she’ll get the hint & go away? No one likes a know-it-all, Amy (prettybabies.blogspot.com), so get over yourself!

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Nicole — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 02:59:06 -0000

I never understand why not bathing kids every day shows up on these bad mommy lists. Not that doing these things makes us bad mommies, but I don't even think it's that good for the kids skin. My kids get dirty, but swim season helps :) Anway, this bad mommy competition is getting a bit silly, eh? How about letting little kids watch R rated movies, that count?

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Amber Page — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 22:23:57 -0000

You know, I used to be one of those people judging parents when their kids acted up in public. Then I had a baby. And it's already become very apparent that I've got no room to talk - and had no idea what the hell I was talking about when I was being Judgy McJudgy.

As long as your kids are happy and healthy, that's all that matters, right? Anyone who pretends not to have Bad Mommy moments is lying, lying, lying!

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

suburbanturmoil — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 14:17:12 -0000

Aww, thank you. Let me know if you're ever in town- We'll definitely get together. :)

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Ginny — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 00:01:19 -0000

I never understood why it was considered bad to not bathe every day. I barely ever did that with my kids. If I did, they had terrible dry skin.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

CeCe — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 21:01:19 -0000

You are so loved, Lindsay. And not just by me. :P

If I had a single moment free when I plan to visit Vandy... I would beg you to grab a coffee with me.

And as long as they don't watch Caillou too much, we're cool. I know it's evil... but I really don't like that kid. LOL

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Audra — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:59:49 -0000

Thank you so much for this article, Lindsay. I write to you two days after my 2 year old son had a complete meltdown in an airline terminal. I failed to make eye contact with anyone because I was more than ready to tell everyone there exactly what to do with their disproving stares. I handled him the best I could, I was traveling alone with him, and it was a hard day. I think that as mothers, we have to just let things ride sometimes to save our own sanity. I felt better after reading your column.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

STL Mom — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 23:21:20 -0000

I think those who judge also forget that every parent has different standards, and often for good reasons. I've known kids so hyperactive that if they sat still for five minutes of a meal, that would be a big step forward and something worth rewarding. Other kids can easily sit for 30-45 minutes and they should be expected to behave that way.

Comparing kids or parents to each other is not very useful. We can all try and do better tomorrow than we did today. Unless today was a really awesome day, and then we can just hope that someday we'll hit this sweet spot again.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

scrappinmichele — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 23:20:28 -0000

We all do things that probably fall into that "bad mommy" category.

I agree that ultimately if you love your kids and aren't hurting them emotionally or physically then go for it.

We all have things that we are sticklers about. I refuse to let my kids jump on trampolines because I think they are too dangerous and just asking for trouble. But I don't limit my kid's TV and my oldest son has both a TV and a computer (and an x-box that he bought) in his room. And I also don't hold anything against any parent who buys a trampoline for their kids. We all make different choices.

At the end of the day, we have to live with the choices we make and we should also stop being so hard on ourselves. We do the best we can.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

mountainmomma18 — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 22:59:48 -0000

The problem with these labels are they are not real. I think that there are very few of these perfect moms and very few really of these "bad" moms, I think most of it is hyberpolized self representations. Most of us, I think, exsist someplace in the middle, which is normal. Thank god they have a starbucks there.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Belle — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 22:45:44 -0000

I never limited my kids' tv time, either, unless they were grounded or something. And when they were babies, I'd let them fall asleep in their swing - and stay there - if it meant we could get a few hours' sleep so we could all get to work in the morning. I'm sure that would make people livid, but it saved our sanity.

I'm not sure what exactly the Bad Mommy Phenomenon entails, but it's one thing to parent differently, even vastly differently, than what most consider "normal" or "right", and another to be completely, truly neglectful, unavailable, and irresponsible.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

noreturnmom — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 22:25:28 -0000

My kids are milk freaks, too. My son actually stopped gaining weight for a while because he was filling up on too much milk, so now we water it down except for first a.m. cup and before bed. He's onto us and calls it "water milk," but still sucks it down! Oh, and he knows his sister likes hers warm, so he makes sure to ask for "nice, cold milk." Always looking out to make sure I don't get things mixed up.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Ellen — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 20:31:07 -0000

I write a work blog...so you won't find anything interesting there...although I am thinking about titling my next one The Flying Nun. No, we aren't a convent (HAHAHAH), but figured it would give me some wiggle room to be my normal sarcastic self.

Please, please, please don't stop writing about your bad mother moments. They make me laugh. I have four kids. Thus far they have survived my incredible attempts to win "Mother of the Year". ...that would be the entry where the cops haul me off while my children laugh smugly behind their gloved hands at my discomfort. Please. For the rest of the bad moms out there.....write on!

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Meagan Francis — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:43:58 -0000

Waaiiiiiit a second. You're supposed to bathe them every day?

Oops.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

babsalaba — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:49:33 -0000

There's "bad," like dosing your kids with Jack and Coke or Benadryl or hosting routine happy hours playdates where the mommies are all drunk while the kids play, and then there's "real," like skipping nightly baths, using the tv babysitter, having breakfast for dinner or living out of a laundry basket for a week because I just don't have the will to fold and hang and put everything away.

Letting an overtired run to the back of a restaurant when it's nearly empty close to closing time is hardly grounds for calling CPS.

Why women have to be other women's harshest critics, whether it's who's the best mommy ever or the dreaded SAHM-vs- Working Moms debate still confounds me.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Gertie — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:42:26 -0000

What kills me is that in order to even HAVE "bad mommies", there must still be some sort of standard out there we are all comparing ourselves to. Some sort of "extra good mommy" standard.

The standard is what I hate. Who makes this standard?

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Mandy Hornbuckle — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:18:15 -0000

It's an interesting phenomenon. On one hand, I think it's great that moms like you are being honest and open about stuff that nobody talked about before. If breastfeeding is as bad as you say, I may have given up right away someday had I not read your post about it and the first ten days. However, if moms find themselves doing "bad" things on purpose to have things to write about, well, that's a whole different issue, I guess.

My take - just be real, just be honest, just be who you are. Don't look for ways to compete with other bloggers, for "good mommy" status or for "bad mommy" status. I think you do a great job of being honest without looking for ways of outdoing the other mommy bloggers for tales of humor in parenting.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

suburbanturmoil — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:17:28 -0000

I'm a little embarrassed about the ba-ba, but it's the best thing in the world to calm him down. Also? He lovvvvves his milk. Both of my children do, and I let my daughter outgrow the ba-ba on her own, too. Now she requests warm milk in a cup all the time.

That's not to say he ONLY drinks out of a bottle- The only way I'd be opposed to it is if he was unable or unwilling to drink from a cup.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Adrienne — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:17:24 -0000

Watching more "educational" TV has done wonders for my girl's vocab, math, and thinking skills. She surprised me by being able to count to 10 in Spanish (she's 2) and the only way she learned was from Dora or Diego. Glad to see I'm not the only one who doesn't limit TV time unless necessary.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

suburbanturmoil — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:14:40 -0000

Well, I certainly wouldn't let my son stand in front of a restaurant's kitchen door.

I may be bad, but I'm not stupid.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

noreturnmom — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:04:57 -0000

I'm with you almost 3 for 3: I bathe the kids typically 2x week and they watch a fair amount of Sprout, Noggin, and Disney. The bottles are gone, but we still warm up the girl's milk (in the microwave, supposedly a big no-no). And we snuggle like nobody's business! We also let them jump on the couch (with frequent reminders to not do that at anybody else's house).

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Melanie@thebloggingmum — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:43:21 -0000

Sometimes I have a hard time reconciling the kind of mother my mom was, with the love I know she had for me. I can only hope that I can learn from her mistakes, so my son won't have to struggle so much to remember that "she did the best she could".

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

Jenny — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:29:20 -0000

I remember knocking a three year old halfway across the restaurant when he stood in front of the kitchen's swinging door as I was hurrying out -- I broke all eight loaded dinner plates and almost gave him third-degree burns from some au jus. NOT coll.

Re: The Bad Mommy Phenomenon

KristiStevens — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:26:29 -0000

I'm a sucky mom too. My kids have computers AND tvs in their rooms and until my son hit puberty - I did not bathe them everyday either. My oldest is also the pickiest eater on the planet - apparently this is my fault - and I don't care. He hasn't died from starvation yet and doesn't look too thin. I'm also very real in front of them. I let them see me fail. And then I let them see me pick myself back up and try it all again the next day. And I, like you, love my children more than I could write in a bazillion trillion words. They are small parts of me that walk around out in the world - pieces of my heart that I release each day from my tight grasp. My favorite smell is their bed heads in the morning. My favorite sound is their laughter. The sweetest sight I've ever seen are their smiles. They are the best things I have to offer the world and the world is a better place because I have brought them here. I am many, many things other than a mother. But being these kids' mom is my greatest priveledge and my sincerest joy. Love, K