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Before all this outside attention, I would argue that voices of dissension were held in higher regard.
Not saying this is you AT ALL, but I can think of more than a few once-influential mom bloggers who refused to advertise and are now off the radar. And that sucks.
I don't advertise products and I don't think I ever would. But I do get people asking my opinion about things all the time, friends calling me from all over the states, wondering what I use for this, or my opinion on that...I think it's because they know that they'll just get honesty, even if it is a little rough around the edges.
It's interesting that you saw the mommy community as group of perfect women who have it all together- because I STILL see it that way. The number of us who don't have it together does seem to be growing, but there's still that struggle in me when I realize that I don't really measure up to all those women who do a hundred things at once and still look great at the end of the day.
I am not willing to lose any part of myself to gain anything from elsewhere. It is in no way worth it to me and never has been. I will say fuck as much as I please, I will admit that my kids can be assholes sometimes and I will talk about sex and drugs and rock and roll if I want. If companies and PR firms can't see the beauty in that (it's in there somewhere, I swear it), it says more about them than it does me.
I'll stick to the belief that people want to read real blogs, not filler and fluff, unless their only goal is to learn how better to be a stepford wife, set up unrealistic ideals for themselves or make a buck themselves and piggy back off of someone else's 'success'.
But social media blogs? Yeah, I'm over those.
And then in other blogs like that, I see dollar signs.
I think it's pretty easy for most readers to tell the difference. I would like to see advertisers notice the difference, too.
Perfect and YES! I sometimes wonder who we're missing on the blogosphere, whose voice and experience we're missing, just because their writing isn't the King's English or even David Sedaris' English.
How many great voices, how much of the Mommy Experience are we missing because some mothers don't even have regular access to computers? Or don't have strong English? And they are out there...and their version of radical mommyblogging would be a Whole New Thing to incorporate into the larger experience of mothering and writing about mothering. To see the similarities would be eye-opening; to see the differences in experience equally so.
I know that I search out great writing. But your comment needs to remind me...it's not always just about the writing. It's about sharing the truth.
My blog keeps me sharp. I was a writer before I was a mother. I'm still a writer. I'm a writer with children.
Children who have a tendency to drive my brain toward a mushy cesspool of sleepless BLAH. So I write. I just happen to write about my kids right now.
I don't deny that I'm trying to maintain a balance between making money and retaining my voice. But I hate that I feel like I'm always literally fighting to be myself now. I've been asked by advertisers to remove curse words from my blog (I didn't). I've turned down $1500 to write a sponsored post on this blog. And then I've worried about making decisions that mean less money for my family, particularly when we're sending one teenager to college this year and another one two years from now.
I suppose in a perfect world, I'd like advertisers to seek out mom bloggers who were THEMSELVES, warts and all, as opposed to cookie cutter images of what we see already in every parenting magazine on the rack. I realize that's a pipe dream, but there it is. I'd like to see the women who are the most honest and raw and thoughtful about the experience of motherhood get rewarded with the perks and the revenue, not the women who do the best job of appearing to be flawless.
We see the "Martha Stewart" people and try to emulate. Our own lives are no less valuable, and in my opinion the authentic 'Warts and All" people are much more appealing. I, however, am a hypocrite as I have yet to allow someone into my home when it is messy, when dishes haven't been done or laundry is spilling forth from the hampers. I embrace my friends warts without judgement and often without notice, but I am seemingly unable to embrace my own in the same light.
Then, when I have someone coming over, even a dear friend, I go apeshit cleaning. Ridiculous.
Until someone is coming over....
I cringe when something is out of place when someone else walks into my home. I do. I want my house to look like a magazine ALL the time, and only recently have I realized that it never will and I really need to stop stressing out about it.
Because It's my choice.
I choose to relax and enjoy life instead of cleaning 24/7, which is what it would take to keep my home clean, between my partner and my three year old. I also choose to endure the consequence of cringing when someone else sees the mess.
How many people don't clean up before company comes over? Would you (or any one here) continually visit a home that was constantly a mess?
I am authentic in that I can admit that I'm a mess, and don't try to hide behind a mask of perfection. However, that doesn't mean I actually LIKE my flaws.
This topic makes my head hurt. Because as much as I agree with you, and as much as I dislike shitty blogs--because let's face it, that's what we're talking about here--I think it sucks big hairy dick that getting paid to write (by ads or sponsored posts or whatever) can become such an automatic WOW YOU SUCK YOU BIG SELL OUT.
Good writing takes time and talent and effort. If some "big name" bloggers are constantly providing their readers with good, compelling content they deserve some compensation for that.
Unfortunately, that sort of model leads a lot of folks to produce a lot of crappy content to try to get money. So it's a tough situation.
I don't care if Mommy Blogging is radical or not, personally. I don't have a need for a rallying cry. I'm proud of my words.
This post is personal for me because I have seen my community change. I miss the way things used to be. I miss the feeling that we were making a difference and rewriting the history of motherhood as we know it.
I miss the time when BlogHer was less about aggressive self-promotion and connecting with marketers, and more about meeting online friends in person.
I miss writing whatever the hell I wanted here without giving even one little thought to how it would affect my "business." I still do write what I want, obviously, but now I cringe a little sometimes when I hit publish. Like today, for example....
I want to meet people, not learn how to monetize my blog, harness the secret powers of SEO or become a social media maven. I feel like I'm the minority, though, and it makes me wonder if I really belong there. Really, do I have any business showing up?
I've decided YES, because of the parties and the opportunity to meet other women (and drink heavily) while I'm there. But honestly, I don't know if I'll even attend any sessions.
The parties are FUN. Seeing everyone is FUN. It's overwhelming at times, but um, overwhelming is my thing so I'm into it. Some people hate the social craziness of it, though. Come and find me, okay? :)
Can I ask, who is reading those? How are they marketing those types of blogs? I would imagine that the people who are drawn to reading blogs like yours, Mom1o1, HBM, etc. wouldn't even be interested in reading the blogs of people who put on the Perfect Mom facade...?
So I grapple with this all the time. I don't even think I would call my blog content radical, it's just me, with a bit of an edge, but me. And just trying to keep my blog content relevant for ME is sometimes a task in itself.
Thanks for your viewpoint. This was a great post.
While I'm sad, I've also decided that "influence" (which is defined tenuously these days by marketers and bloggers who are anything but radical) is overrated. I re-branded to keep my blog in line with what I like to write about. I rejoice in comments that add insight, not comments for the sake of numbers. I couldn't care less about my page rank or my Alexa rank or whether any marketers email me offering their clients' wares for review. I am all about writing for myself and to provoke discussion.
I am still real, and I am still radical.
Really, though, it is. If I ever choose to run ads on my site down the road, I want it to happen on my terms. I wouldn't pitch a product to someone in real life that I hadn't tried and tested and fallen in love with, so why would I do that on the Internet? I don't even try to look perfect in real life - just friendly and sometimes funny - so why would I try to be superwoman online?
I've been reading mom blogs for years. I remember some of your first posts and my shock when you put up your real name. I remember alot of the old-school bloggers' early posts, actually lol. There is no doubt that the blogosphere has changed significantly as the months and years have rolled by. But I think that part of blogging is continuing to enjoy it regardless of where this goes. Ads change some people and some websites, but not all of them.
As far as losing influence and losing strong voices and good, honest writing? Well. We're all just small fish in a big pond. Losing influence was bound to happen. The rest I think it still out there, it's just a matter of weeding through the "plastic people" to find it.
And in a way, it sucks.
Much of what I don't write about now has to do with IRL people reading my blog that just so happen to live next door. It's not as easy to talk about your husband popping a viagra just for fun when everyone on the street will ask him about it at the pool.
My feeling is that those folks, the radicals that remain unchanged and authentic, will always shine through - perhaps they won't garner as much "acclaim" (I use quotes because acclaim these days is pretty subjective - is 15000 twitter followers acclaim? Perhaps, but not necessarily in my book) - but I suppose in the end what matters most is why they are doing it.
Not so much about everyone else.
"To thine own self be true" seems appropriate. As does "New radicals."
I LIVE the IRL dilemma on a daily basis, but I choose to think of it as "liberating."
Sure I probably have a few more enemies, but at least everything's out there in the open. It's kind of fun knowing that so many people know how I REALLY feel- It gives me less of a complex about appearing totally put together to the outside world.
And I LOVE the term "new radicals." Let's hope Time Magazine is reading. ;)
They are out there. The way that great niche writers get noticed was and is greatly by word-of-mouth. I think that if more of us who are A, B, C, and even D-lister mommy bloggers actively promoted the great new voices we are hearing out there and directing readers their way, more women would be more encouraged to keep it real.
I'm not top of the food chain or Mystical Hobbit status my any means. However, when I and some Bigger Names started mommy blogging, there were a few well known bloggers and a whole lot of everyone else. And everyone seemed to really encourage each other promote each other - even with links and blog rolls and the brazillion awards we used to hand out to each other (and then ironically complain about) recognizing great writing and "keeping it real".
Now, I suppose that the up-and-comers can (and should) search each other out and do this for each other. But when there are more Big Name post-radical bloggers with big readerships, alongside the bloggers cashing-in with perfect hair, perfect kids, and lots of ads/sponsors, I don't know that the model is there or even as possible. It's tough to put yourself out there for seemingly naught. And here's what I mean:
I think that readers/"mommies" are still feeling alone and marginalized and are still looking for a community of women who are sharing their experiences. Why not go for the largest established community of "imperfect" mommies? I think that as a reader/mother who was feeling isolated and alone, and finding a large community of readers/commentors on the site of a well-known, successful radical mommyblogger whose writing is just as strong, just as radical as it always has been, is more personally encouraging and need-fulfilling than reading a lone voice whose writing is also amazing.
The thing is, the reader isn't just in it for the writing - we're in it for the community as well. And as a new writer, a new voice trying to break in, well, there's some big competition out there for community building.
That's not to say that great new writers cannot be and are not incorporated into the larger fold; I just think that it can be a bit daunting. When the basic need for many mothers who want to write is "Hear me, I am here", and the choices are "Show us your battle wounds" versus "Show us something pretty"...well, I still think that there are enough mainstream messages out there saying "Be more perfect, buy this and be more perfect, say this and be more perfect...and you will be loved", that truthful mommyblogging as a radical act is still seen as risky, dangerous, when the outcome could be remaining alone in yet one more venue.
And I'm not saying this is true of any blogger who has sponsors or who makes a little scratch - I'd like to do that myself - but as a new writer/"mommy" who primarily wants to be heard, who wants some community, who wants to feel validated in some way, well, I don't think it's much of a stretch to wonder whether some people are filling that unmet need with the validation of a buck or two. Again, not that they don't also need or deserve a buck or two, but just that the draw toward writing for dollars might be initially easier and more personally need-fulfilling, and I mean nothing negative by that.
I don't have an answer. But as a B-list wannabe, I can promise to continue to alert my 100-hits-a-day to other women who I think are the bees knees, both the big names and the up-and-comers. Maybe they'll get more readers; maybe they'll just feel part of the community. Maybe they'll feel okay about writing a post about poop.
I'm not coherent enough yet today to really explain what I want to say but I will try... I think there is a cycle to every "movement", whether it's mommy blogging or a politics or education. When it's new with clear goals it is radical because hey, we've never seen/heard/read this before. It gains recognition and popularity and new members. Those new members make their contributions and some of them are fabulous and some of them are nightmares. Then the original members of the movement see that the new members are changing things with their contributions and crap, now it's no longer so radical.
I don't disagree with your post at all, but I think the de-radicalizing (word?) process is inevitable. Maybe joining the ever-increasing ranks of mommy bloggers is no longer a radical act but writing well about your experiences and sharing that with the world still can be. Bad bloggers are everywhere in every genre. We shouldn't let them ruin our fun.
And do you like how I said "we" like I am one of you? Wishful thinking perhaps :)
Steph
We need to cut ourselves slack for not being perfect parents, but at the same time, we still have a responsibility to be responsible.
I think we get ourselves confused with the desire to admit our humanity and the irresponsibility that can wreck not only our lives but our children's lives as well.
Please don't think I'm preaching, I am admittedly a deeply flawed parent.
I applaud those who can be real and admit their mistakes; but I will still call CPS if someone tells me that they engage in dangerous behaviors when children are around....
Anyway - I have been witness to the decline in forthcoming, honest, brutally real writing that made me want to blog my own, though childless, experiences.
Unfortunately, in an economy where making ends meet requires increased creativity, we're going to see the fall of many more mommy blogs before the end. The lure of making money from something that we already do is powerful. I just think there needs to be a balance. Create content to make sponsors happy but also remember that the reason you have a sponsor-worthy following isn't the sponsor posts.
You say that you see a change in your community. That saddens me because you can make "your community" into whatever you want it to be. To include whoever you want it to. I stay away from blogs like that because I dont want to worry about this sort of stuff. Believe me, the blogosphere, the "mommy bloggers", we are not a united bunch. We shouldn't have to be either.
We are who we want to be in the big bad blogosphere. If those people want to write only for money, then they can get on with their bad selves. I wont be reading. But then again, they could probably care less if I, you, or aanyone here is reading as long as their checks keep coming in. They don't ccare about me, I could care less about them.
At the same time, I read mommy blogs like yours and feel more prepared for things like PPD and breastfeeding, and the fact that you're making revenue from it is a great thing for your family. Your blog and others have really given me a glimpse into the world I need to prepare myself for, and I think that's a really valuable thing.
Here's what I have to say. The other blogs I read (in addition to yours), guess what? I found through YOU! Yes, when you guys had your perfect post of the month, I read all of those...I simply don't have enough time to search for blogs but I love AUTHENTIC writing and I want to thank you for leading me to Chris, Y, Julie, Mir (I love Mir...Mir writes like I think, but it comes out so much better), and others. So I guess I'm asking for help, here. As a reader, not a blogger, how can I easily find good, authentic blogs without tons of searching? I work and don't have tons of time. That's why I miss a perfect post, but maybe there's something else like it and I don't know. Even you don't have a blogroll anymore, I don't think.
I'd also like to comment on something Motherhood Uncensored said. How authentic can you be about other people when everyone reads your blog? I know...you change certain details, but doesn't that take away from the story? So, then, you are left discussing your own feeling/experiences (like this post) or, when you talk about doing something that may not be kosher (your post on Bruiser in the restaurant last week), you get a backlash of sort. I do feel that, over time, your blog has talked less about the other people in your life (neighbors, family friends, etc.) and more about this sort of stuff...but that may be just my perception, which is often wrong. And, you don't really talk about your teenagers much, and, I know, the story is theirs...etc, etc. but I do miss that as well.
For me? I need to hear the joys but also the low moments of parenting, because I read blogs where I know I'm not alone. That's why Chris' post about parenting her 13 year old last week really resonated with me. And that's why your post on your daughter wanting to wear makeup over at Parents.com really resonated with me. In fact, it is one of my favorite posts EVER.
As writers, we should all probably make an effort to list our favorite bloggers more often.
As for personal stories, there's definitely an ebb and flow here. I don't want to write anything I'll later regret and I definitely don't want to invade my family's privacy. Also, my neighbors are frankly BORING. ;)
So, so true.
I do think the rest of it, your post and all the rest, were really saying this, and not that there are no good blogs or that ads are from the devil.
I also think that those of us who are staying authentic can still find what we'd define as success, whatever that is to us, and keep the community what we want it. There's a way around the "facade people", there just has to be...
That's where this system is flawed. And I don't know how to fix it.
I thought I was just clueless. ;-)
I don't think she'd lose readership. Maybe I'm being pollyanna about
it, but I think the readership sticks around b/c they like the writing.
And I also agree that the system is flawed, but to me it's sorta like
bemoaning that life is hard and people aren't always honest (which I
do, often). Those things suck, but will always be true - it is what
it is. I personally don't think we can change the way business is
(ruthless and uncaring) so to me it's either figure out how we can
play their (i.e. the biz people's) game without crossing the line, do
what feels right to us each individually, and let the chips fall where
they may. I don't think there's anything wrong with women who write
well getting compensated for their work in authentic ways, but I get
twitchy when I worry about things I can't control. I prefer to take
control of what I can, and then go "ah HA! you didn't beat me you
miserable system. suckit."
Great discussion...
-Arianne
I do feel a little lost among all the bloggers, and I sometimes wonder what I'm "supposed" to be doing... But in the end if all I have is interaction with the small number of people reading my blog and a fairly well written record of my experiences, then I'll consider it a success.
And I appreciate that. I would much rather know that's it's hard and the random things I feel are natural than be completely taken by surprise because nobody ever tells you this stuff
I'm also a lazy blogger with a bad memory to fill well-written blog posts.
I just do what I do without being any kind of blogger anyone else wants me to be. I'm no maven, no rebel, no radical, and completely non-commercial-friendly.
The odd thing is I would accept it from a different type of media, but I expect blogs to be different...real.
You get the ones that saw Dooce on the Today Show and are convinced that they'll open up a blog and make $40,000 off the bat. There are others who strive to HAPPILY become marketing blogs, lapping up the crappy stuff that (some) advertisers send. Then the last batch will be those who don't give a flying fuck what other people think and blog simply because they can and because they enjoy it.
Most people enjoy the authentic bloggers the most, myself included. You want to crap out a press release for the Latest! Product! and expect me to read it or give you credibility? Doubtful. Not if I haven't given you my respect in the first place.
(I'm leaving out those who blog merely as a way to keep family up to date on stuff -n- things)
It evolves, it waxes and wanes, and you're right, along the way SOME of the formerly authentic bloggers WILL lose their real voice. Others will find it.
In the end, some will be noteworthy, others will dissolve and the cycle will repeat itself again.
My goals have been to write well; to entertain and provide relatable, authentic experiences; to create a doily-free 21st century "baby book" that will give us all the real story to look back on.
I am very grateful to you and the other bloggers who helped legitimize mom blogs--and deeply resentful of the sell-outs who give us all a questionable if not bad name.
Yes, obviously, I'd also like to be compensated for the time and energy I put into my blog. So I do the social networking thing (through which I've met a handful of awesome people) and have joined an ad network. I treat my blog like a business and am slowly working to build a brand--one that reflects honesty and integrity. This may not be the easy or lucrative way to grow, but oh well.
I read blogs like Suburban Turmoil partly to learn the business from people I think are doing it right. I'm already planning to attend BlogHer next year to soak up even more wisdom from REAL bloggers.
BECAUSE.
If advertisers are smart (a big assumption I know), they would know that REAL moms have too much to do without reading blogs that don't make them feel inspired, less alone, or fill the need to laugh their asses off. There is so much crap on the internet, even too many good blogs to keep up with them all. So I guess my hope is for all of you moms you are writing GOOD stuff, REAL stuff...those other blogs that are just in it for the money won't survive. We know too much now as moms, and we won't accept less than good writing and honest writing and funny writing. We won't waste our time with people who pretend this is easy and the don't have faults. Or at least we shouldn't.
i started to blog just to write down my kids' stuff. then i had the opportunity to write for two other blog networks. since then i have been trying to stay on the high wire of being true to myself and who i am and writing for a broader audience than i started with.
it has been hard not to get sucked into the madness of the quest for comments. i have days where i write from the heart and nobody responds. does that mean it was bad writing or just a topic that others don't relate to? and then does it matter? we can say that we are just doing it for ourselves, but of course we want to know that someone out there is reading it and relates to what we are saying (thanks for the times you have commented, by the way). how do we write for an audience and still be "true" to ourselves?
Recently on Twitter I had a short bit of banter with a woman about reviews on blogs - and how everyone gets paid for reviews - like journalists. I almost went through the monitor because for the most part there is an enormous difference between journalists and bloggers. Yes, there's some overlap. But most bloggers are not professional writers or journalists. Reviewing products for goodies or for cash means I stay away from those blogs. The bloggers who cloak their reviews as posts infuriate me.
It's not radical to be a mom blogger (my kids are teenagers, I am no longer a mommy) - but it's radical to put your blogging foot down and share original thoughts, untainted opinions and to write it with a bit of panache, finesse and maybe even proper English.
Amy
www.SuburbanKvetch.com
I haven't taken on advertising on my blog. I never knew that might be why I haven't launched into mommy blogging fame. I thought it was because I didn't spend 28 hours a day circulating around the blogosphere, twittering every time I had a bowel movement or boarded a plane, or kissing up to bigger bloggers. And possibly the quality of my writing. Who knew it's because I don't have ads?!
As a blogger whose never been in it for the money and who has been around in one way, shape, or URL since 2002 I've kind of gotten frustrated by it all. In fact I wrote a post a few weeks back saying Mommy Bloggers had Gotten Boring... cause really who cares what brand of cleaner cleans up your counter best... I want to know how it got dirty in the first place. That story is probably more fun.
We've not entered the time of year where I know that the next month will be filled with posts of people talking about what they are going to wear or worse trying to find companies to cloth them for free. I've never attended a BlogHer conference because by the time I got to a place in my life where I could, my impression of it is it's just a big "build your brand" seminar where everywhere you turn there's a product placement in your face.... and not at all something where interesting things take place.
There's definitely plenty of attention paid to marketing and branding, but I like that there are also panels for women who aren't the slightest bit interested in marketing themselves. I do think they've done a good job of trying to appeal to every woman (and even some men).
That said, I don't really go for the panels. I go for the CHEESEBURGERS. Heh.
No, I go to see hundreds of my favorite bloggers under one roof. And for the parties, where I can hang out with my friends and have a blast. It is a heady whirlwind of a weekend and I absolutely LOVE it.
Things changed a lot in 6 years. These days I can see the power, but I can also see people giving it up. It sort of frustrates me. Have a review blog, run ads, I won't begrudge you the chance to make some money. But don't sell yourself short, and don't pretend to be someone you're not so that you can get free stuff.
I think the genuine voices do shine through, and I personally find much more value in their honesty. I really believe I'm not the only one, and I hope that will be enough to see us through.
I think there are many real voices out there, still. But you have to hunt for them. I think they are often overshadowed, but I am still pleasantly surprised by the echos of my own experiences I find daily. The woman who admits she's been living out of her laundry basket for 6 months...the Mom who openly hates crafts...the family that throws away the artwork sent home from school. All truthful voices...but I have to look harder now.
And rely heavily on my friends "shared items" in Google Reader. :)
And I totally bogarted your comments again. *sigh* You're going to ban me one of these days...
It's just not what I'm blogging for. I'm not in this for money or glory. I'm in this for me. There are no ads on my blog.
I enjoyed this post and I agree with you. This new corporate blogging is depressing and boring to read. But there are still lots of blogs out there that are worth reading. At least that's been my experience. I don't think the 'radical' part of blogging is quite dead yet. At least I hope it's not!
I am currently in non-profit, so I view this issue sort of the way I view my job- I don't go after grants that don't fit my organization's mission to a T. We don't change our programs to suit a grantor's guidelines, just to get the bucks. Sounds like exactly what you are talking about with blogging.
I used to read tons and tons of blogs a few years ago.. but as authenticity starts to make her leave? I stop reading. I have a handful of blogs I read daily. You are one of them. Needed to be said, glad you said it.
We might be outnumbered by the plastic moms that are okay with things seeming to come right off the pages of a magazine - for now. But eventually even THEY will have to admit that they're not perfect, and hopefully find their way to the real blogs, where they can interact with real moms.
I think there's really two different audiences - one looking for reality, and one looking for parenting magazine style blogs.
I guess because my kids are older, and therefore nowhere near as willing to provide blog worthy entertainment, I don't feel like a "mommy-blogger". But yet I still read the blogs like yours, regardless of the age difference in our kids - because under all the differences, we're still women, still imperfect, and still moms.
I don't think I said anything in all those words up there, did I?
So, yes, genuine, radical voices are still out there.
They're just not wanted.
As a blogger, I don't consider my blog to be 'mommy blog'. I blog about stuff that amuses me, and oh by the way, I happen to be a mom. As to issue of something being radical, I guess I am of the opinion that the minute something is deemed radical is ceases to be so, and that is just normal. Hippies were radical in the Summer of love until Coca Cola pick up on it and made that lifestyle a slogan.
i've never done it for money. honestly, i've never really had the option. i'd like to think though, that it would change who i am. a mommy blogger.
Looking back, accepting advertising also helped legitimize me and this blog in the minds of a lot of people out there, so as someone who really wanted to be a writer for a living, it ended up being a smart career move.
But I also feel sometimes like I opened a Pandora's box. Now, looking at what's happened, I'm afraid "our" space is in danger of becoming Walmart's or Johnson & Johnson's space. It was probably inevitable, though. We're that good. ;)
Everybody wants women to be cut from a cookie cutter mold because that makes everything so much easier. Doesn't it? If we all look the same, wear the same clothes, put kids in the same clothes, have kids that make perfect shits (and I'm not a mom but my friends and sisters kids have shit on me plenty of times for me to know that that's pretty normal) etc then everything will just be perfect wouldn't it.
People need to decide what they want from the blogosphere. As a feminist blogger who writes about Hollywood I have come to terms with the fact that my blog won't ever be that big but the thing that has kept it growing and keep my current audience coming back is my authenticity.
As you know it's a lot of work to blog regularly. I believe that the blogosphere is going through some serious growing pains and the momosphere is on the cutting edge of it because women are in charge of so much of the money.
But I also believe that the good writers and the authentic voices will be able to rise above the din and those who persevere will be rewarded, maybe not monetarily but in some other ways.
Thanks for your honesty and I will look forward to meet you at blogher.
Melissa
Sometimes, I think we need to ask ourselves, "why I am doing this? why did I start in the first place?" I would say many of us started blogging just to share our lives, to connect, to keep a record, to become better writers, etc. Those all were my reasons, anyway.
I think the *power* we've been declared to have, as well as the changing face of advertising and PR, and the way we play into that, and how the whole process has been developing, has indeed hurt whatever purer, fresher, more unique thing we were just a few years ago.
At this point, all this noise about the *power* of mommy bloggers has become a cacophony, and frankly, I think the whole thing is a big mess now. I see blogs that are nothing but slick, money-making gimmicks disguised at mom blogs pop up left and right, but the content is crap. And other blogs that were once great reads that have lost their voice (or become caricatures of female stereotypes) as they've attained more sponsors/fame/recognition.
And I can't help but feel that the more a blog becomes about sponsored content or ads or reviews (and by the way, I participate in BlogHer and do reviews from time to time, if it's a product I really like), the less original and compelling it becomes. I've stopped reading many blogs because the spark is gone.
In the middle of this, I see more bloggers trying too hard and falling into and feeding oversimplified stereotypes: Stepford, bitchy, melodramatic, or faux-"tell it like it is." This, I have to say, is the most grating aspect of the mom blogger phenomena for me.
I remain resistant to joining networks and putting ads on my site and doing sponsored posts, reviews, etc. I still blog to become a better writer, to share my life, to keep a record. I don't knock anyone trying to make money from blogging (and succeeding), but for me, it's not worth it. I don't have the time or energy (or interest) required to really monetize my blog (and all that goes with it), and if that means missing out on being a "top mommy blogger", so be it.
In the end, it still boils down to content for me. I want to write something I can be proud of and is uniquely me. And I want to read the same. I think the good news in all this and that there are still some great voices out there, and that many of the companies that work with blogs to advertise and such really do want to support us and find ways for everyone to win.
I think, like with any trend, the dust will settle and a new norm will be established. This is, at the very least, a very interesting ride.
Of course not.
Just surfed in via Zoot, but I've popped in here a time or two on my own :)
Eh. I am inclined to disagree with this - there are loads of authentic voices out there. They are just not getting read because the focus tends to be on the bigger bloggers. And truthfully, one of the authentic bloggers I am thinking of specifically does not even want a large audience because of all the negative aspects that can come along with it - trolls, controversy, hate mail. I don't blame her, but damn - she writes good stuff and loves being a mother. Unapologetically.
And for the readers out there, that sucks. How are they supposed to even FIND the off-the-radar authentic bloggers you're talking about?
People can write what they want, when they want, why they want. If PR likes it, that's cool. If no one likes it, that's fine. If me - as the blog author - likes it, that's what matters. It's my passion, my voice, my reputation. Luckily for me, my readers and PR appreciate what I share.
I don't really care how someone else markets their blog, or writes content to get comments. There isn't a rule book on blogging. It sounds like it has changed *radically* since 2005. I'm guessing it will change a lot more by 2010!
But when they call themselves "influencers" and try to convince others that they represent mom bloggers and the mom blogging community, well, then it affects me, whether I like it or not. And so at that point, I have to care about what they're presenting on their blogs, and how they're presenting it.
And I think that since that's happening more and more, dialogue about the issue becomes important- and inevitable.
I have blogs where I write celebrity junk and throw in paid ads by a couple of networks...and other than that, they make me money and otherwise they never get a look.
And, then I have blogs of niche' with no ads, no product placement but just for a unique group, for instance, my son's school district. No ads, on product push, but very boring if you don't have a kid in school with mine.
And, then, I have my mommy blog. It does have a review page and I have to throw a push for a product in the main blog every know and again, like when a company shell's out $7K for me to go t a conference....or I have done a site upgrade and re-design and can't upload or something stupid..............but I do my best to keep it all about the family, the good the bad the ugly. I try to reach my inner self that started writing in 2001 on iparenting for a whopping $25 for 3 posts a week for a year............yea that's some big money uh?
So, yea I think mommy blogging is still a radical act.......and that would be that pure mommy blogging is as hard now as it was back then because............people are asking you how you monetize, what products you've received? And to say, oh I don't, I just blog for me..........yea that's hard to do. And I am not saying that I am some super radical woman because I do blog for the money in so many ways.........but I try to hang on to my mommy blog too but even it has been infringed upon every now again........
I admit that I fell for it at first, and for about two weeks, I shamelessly retweeted and linked and emailed proof of links for extra contest entries, and for what? Some book I didn't know I'd needed until I read some 140 character Tweet about a giveaway?
It was then that I noticed just how many of these so-called "mommy-blogs" sponsored contests and giveaways. Just how many of those "readers" were stopping by for the chance to snag something free? It's pretty distasteful. I felt dirty even taking part in it, to be honest. I didn't care what these women blogged about, I felt the lust for free stuff bloom in my breast. Gimme-gimme-gimme. Ugh. I would hate to have people swooping in on my blog, talons outstretched for swag.
Sure, apologists may pull the standard "Jealous, much?" but I'd rather have my loyal following and daily hits in the dozens and few, sometimes even no comments, if it means I still write what I want to write, and write from the heart.
What is this shiny-faced, bullshit presentation of motherhood designed to attract advertisers anyway? It's inauthentic at best, and prostitution at worst.
RE: "I'm seeing fewer authentic experiences out there and less incentive than ever before to share them. Clearly, I'm all for making money off of our blogs if we can.... But must we lose our radically real voices in the process?"
My honest stance on that question is: NO. While I definitely acknowledge the pressure MANY passionate bloggers feel in doing just this (ie: self censoring) for "advertiser appeal" ... I still say "no" to losing one's own voice.. It also seems to me that appeasing for advertising sake creates ultimately - the exact opposite effect intended. For example: writers I once visited precisely for their authenticity - I no longer do because they are no longer "authentic", fun or engaging.... most importantly - they are no longer rateable.
So in conversion terms for the advertiser this translates as: "I don't know what you are selling because: Your advertisements are not reaching me and others like me that don't read canned, choreographed, contrived marketing material peddled under the SEO friendly term of mom blogger or otherwise because the venue is predictable, boring and uninteresting."
That about sums it up. :)))) And what you said here nails it:
"Today, if a mom blogger wants online authority... She'd do well to make sure every hair is in place (courtesy of her stylist), her flab is firmly in check (thanks to EA SPORTS Active), and she has a media kit handy, to send out to potential sponsors......... After all, why would an advertiser want a mother who admits on her blog to smoking the occasional cigarette and hiding in the closet sometimes when her kids won't stop fighting, when it can now have a mom who only posts pictures of herself smiling and perfectly made up, and who writes posts doling out plucky advice on everything from proper mascara application to what to wear to upcoming blog conferences..."
I printed this and am hanging it on my pegboard here. It's real - it's relevant - and it's freaking true. It's encouraging to know I'm not alone in observing the same trends... This post and all the insightful thoughts shared by the commentators here really just made my day.
And Postscript: Ok, hate me for admitting this - but after about 3 days with blogher - I just stopped participating, and for this exact reason:
"...I miss the feeling that we were making a difference .... I miss the time when BlogHer was less about aggressive self-promotion and connecting with marketers, and more about meeting online friends in person. ..."
In fact I pretty much quit that shit last year because it just wasn't worth it anymore and only recently started back up.
Personally these days I think mommyblogging is becoming more a joke than a radical act. I think a very large number of blogs out there only want to be the next big thing and the ones that Honda gives cars to next (example not sure if they do).
Life is too short to care more about what you can get from a company than fun. I may not want to read about every time someone's kid takes a shit but at the same time I DO want to read other moms saying their house looks like hell, the kids are needing a foot in the ass (figuratively), and the husband needs shipped to Hong Kong in a pickle barrel every so often.
I personally want REAL mom bloggers who just talk about the funny and sometimes fucked up crap their family does you know? THAT to me is radical and real and I miss that.
And then there are review bloggers. They have started blogs with the purpose of making money, not to compete with you or me or the Parent magazines. They're going to get business press because they have corporate backers. It's a whole different world. It's indie rock versus prefab pop. It's Charlie Kaufman versus whoever wrote Firehouse Dog.
The best we can do is try and share those authentic experiences and that great writing as much as we can. I don't care if there are crappy review bloggers out there (although I do remain confounded as to why any brand wants a review from someone who doesn't know how to use an apostrophe or, generally, a paragraph return and seems to LOOOOVE every product equally). What I do want is for moms who want to blog to know there's satisfaction in blogging that has nothing to do with whether or not you've been invited on a cereal company factory tour.
Let's just say you've got more than 100 comments here. And you didn't need to offer a giveaway to get them.